Dating

Anne Bercht, the director of the Beyond Affairs Network, is co-founder, along with her husband Brian, of www.passionatelife.ca, a website dedicated to creating a healthy, passionate marriage. The Berchts are lecturers and authors of “My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me.”

My husband and I will have been married 10 years this winter & have been together for 14 years. We have 3 children. 11 years ago, I was diagnosed with MS. A few months ago, my MS worsened & I am now seriously sick. I went into a depression, trying to cope with it. For a while, things were rough. Then, we began to get back on track, or so I thought. I had sex with my husband one afternoon; he got dressed, kissed me good-bye & went to work. Later I needed to ask him a question, so I called, only to find out that he wasn't scheduled to work that day. His manager told me that "everyone knew" he was having an affair. I felt like someone had kicked me in the chest. I began to page him on his cell phone & he came home. I confronted him & he lied about it. He finally admitted he'd been having an affair that past week & it had happened 3 times. He was supposedly there that afternoon to break things off with her, but he'd been there 2 hours! He said he watched her play on the computer trying to get up the "nerve" to break it off. She is a co-worker of his. He claims she actually looks a lot like me. I could've killed him for saying that. I still don't have all the details & have been afraid to ask even though I NEED to know. He claims he "wasn't thinking" or "wasn't sure what he was thinking." I can't understand how he could do this to me. We were the "perfect couple." My life is in shambles. I can't stop thinking about it. I cry myself to sleep every night. We are trying to work things out, but I don't know if we can. He is very sorry & is very obviously trying hard to repair this. He still works there, but is looking for another job because I told him it was that job or me. Every time he goes to work, I die a little inside. What kind of man cheats on his disabled wife? The worst thing is, I had a horrible childhood of abuse, rape & later, domestic violence in a previous relationship. I used to be able to say that my husband was the only man who had never hurt me. I can't say that anymore. How do I go on? I want to save my marriage, but I am an absolute wreck.

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